Ikat and White

Hey there, lovelies! PHEW. So, the reason I went a little MIA there is because I started having some major anxiety issues again. I was having some panic attacks and I really had to just take things easy until my doctor could see me. Fortunately he was able to fit me in, and we did a little tinkering with my dosage. So far so good. I think maybe it was triggered by my recent interest in exercising so much. Supposedly that can trigger panic attacks in people who have anxiety. To me that's a little ironic since I've always heard that excercise is sooo beneficial to your mental health. Not for me, haha! Now that my dosage has been upped I'm slowly starting to incorporate exercise back in.









So these photos are actually from a couple weeks ago, before all that unpleasantness. It's already too hot for long sleeves here, if you can believe it. But at the time, this breezy blouse was just the right amount of coverage and lightweight fabric for that bizarre in between weather. Also, I love that little cutout on the back, but I could NOT get that little flap of fabric on the inside to quit sticking up. I guess I'll put a little stitch in there to hold it down.







I know there's some rule about what part of the year you're "supposed" to wear white pants, but honestly I don't even know what it is. I am so disinterested in any kind of fashion "rules," it's ridiculous! I do what I want. ;)









Anywho, things are getting back to normal around here, so yay! Hope all of you are doing fabulously as well.

white skinnies, dots. ikat print top, old navy. earrings and necklace, thrifted. beige booties, makemechic.com.

Belted Stripes and Thanks!

I wore this to take my kitten to the vet and to mail some packages for my new customers! I'm so excited that things are starting to take off for my little shop. It took a lot of nerve for me to quit my job and start this new chapter of my life. The last few months have been a whirlwind of anxiety and nervousness and hopefulness. It's finally starting to look like this may actually work, and I feel the need to pinch myself just about every five minutes.





Being able to work from home and pretty much set my own schedule has taken so much weight off my shoulders. My anxiety level has been markedly less as a direct result. I just feel so eternally thankful for everyone who has supported my shop for making this life change possible for me and my husband. Please keep checking back as I plan on adding more and more things all the time.







Today was my new kitty's last visit to the vet for a whole year. I'm STOKED! It's been a long couple months with him. When he first came to live with us he had a really gnarly upper respiratory infection, along with a whole host of parasites. We couldn't get him vaccinated and fixed until we cleared up his other issues, and it took almost a month just to get his sniffling and cough to go away. But now he's healthy and happy (and neutered)! He's my little 5-pound lovebug, haha.





Hope everyone's week has been great! Mine has definitely ended on a positive note. :)





striped bejeweled tee, wedges, and belt, ross. acid wash skinnies, f21+. spike ring, chubby cartwheels.

90s Remix and Opening Up

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how much of myself I put into my online outlets. I've read soooo many articles about how to be a better blogger, online shop owner, etc. etc., and one common thread throughout is that people respond to people and not perfection. That's something that I really have a tough time with. Don't we all? The whole purpose of being body positive is trying to work through my own insecurities and learn to love myself just the way I am. But it's harder for me to do that on an emotional level, and not just about the way I look.





My sophomore year of college I was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder. It all culminated one night in a really horrible panic attack that left me holed up in my dorm room for a week. I was scared and just physically exhausted and sick. I had a very unsympathetic roommate who made things even harder for me. She was a Psych major and felt qualified to tell me that things were just in my head and that I shouldn't take any medication because I could just "deal with it." But really, that's not what I'm getting at here! One by one my friends started falling to the wayside.





I get it. I mean, I really do. My disorder is a lot to ask anyone to deal with. I cancel a lot of plans last minute. Sometimes I can't deal with large crowds. I'm always afraid something will trigger a panic attack. And sometimes I feel bad just because, and I can't explain why. That's a lot to ask anyone to understand, especially people who are about 19 and 20 years old. By the time my graduation rolled around in 2010 I had zero school friends left, except for my then-boyfriend (now husband).





Even though I know on a higher level that it's messed up, what I took away from this experience is that I shouldn't always share too much of myself. If I'm too needy, or always down and sad, people just don't want to spend time with me. So since then I have prevented myself from forming close friendships because deep down I feel that as soon as I begin to invest emotionally in someone, they will realize what a burden my friendship is and leave.





This affects my blogging, even! When I have a bad day I just "edit" it out, so to speak. I don't mention it. I include very little text. And I think that needs to stop. If you're here reading this, I need to trust that something about me is interesting and valuable to you and that's that.





So, hey! That's me! This is a big step for me and I'm ready to make the commitment to you guys that I am going to be more forthcoming and honest about who I am-- not just as a fatshionista, but as a real life human being. Let's see where this road takes us!







90s button down shirt, thrifted. burgundy skinnies, kmart. necklace, dots. spiked flats, gojane.com.

Blue Dress Social

Hello my lovelies! I wore this dress today to try out a new church. It's one of my closet staples because it's so easy to just toss on. I love outfits that require minimal fuss!





blue lattice collar dress, ross. t-strap studded sandals, kmart.







We just moved to my husband's hometown, so it's been interesting-- seems like everywhere we go he sees someone he knows from way back when. I'm excited to start to get to know people here as well. Sometimes it's tough to push past my Anxiety, though. I try to take things at my own pace and not feel bad if I'm just not feeling up to anything. It's a struggle but some days are definitely better than others, and I'm getting through it! It might take me a little longer than most but I know I'll make a lot of new friends in time. :)

Fatshion February Day 20

Hey loves! Sorry I missed day 19 of Fatshion February. :( I was looking really cute and everything, too. As I've mentioned before I live with an anxiety disorder, and unfortunately some days I just can't do everything I want to do because it's too much. I'm feeling rather yucky today as well, but I hated the idea of missing two days straight so I soldiered through it for the 2 minutes it took to snap these haphazard shots.





floral chiffon top, lys by kmart. skinny khakis, old navy. ballet flats, target. scarf, f21. jacket, target.

early bird

Today was long. It was my own fault though. Serious senioritis in late stages meant that I didn't start studying for a test I had today until yesterday. Which meant I woke up at 6:00 AM to fit in a little more study time before heading off to work for my 8 AM shift. You will note a distinct lack of smiling teeth in these outfit shots, lulz.

Also, they are purposely artsy fartsy. Why not? I love seeing all the creative hipster kids over at lookbook. Why not fat kids, too?

Click for larger version.







Floral crochet-trim tank: Gap, XXL, $2 on final clearance
Nude be-spotted cardi: Thrifted, XL, $2
Boot-cut medium wash jeans: Old Navy (via Bealls Outlet), 16, $9
Not pictured are my seafoam green studs and gray Converses, which were both gifts.

I actually wanted to wear some cute flats with this but 1) it was 25 degrees out this morning, and I'm from Florida for God's sake, and 2) I have a really grody infected former blister on my foot that will require some babying until it heals.

Started feeling bad in Screenwriting today. I think it was a combination of lack of sleep, stress, and caffeine consumption. Those things seem to always aggravate my Panic Disorder. Anywho, rather than running to a bathroom stall and waiting the thing out, I've been trying some techniques my counselor directed me to (here, if anyone is interested) and it REALLY helped. I only felt bad for fifteen minutes tops, which is so much better than losing an entire day to Panic. When I started feeling the symptoms, I freaked out for a second before I remembered what I'd learned-- then I just basically just told the Anxiety to give me its best shot. It subsided a while after that. Still wasn't exactly a picnic, but at least I didn't miss any class. Yay!

Anyway, soon I'm going to compile a list of Spring wants... also probably some music I want. I'm in such a music rut right now. Any suggestions?